Couples and Singles - Starting to Swing

Starting to Swing

This page is for people considering starting out in the swinging scene.

The aim of the page is to give some pointers to the pitfalls, and to help you avoid timewasters, or being seen as timewasters yourselves.

I have split the page into 4 categories;

What or who are swingers?
We are a new couple to the scene,
I am a new single lady to the scene,
I am a new single guy to the scene.

If you want to make contact with other newcomers to the scene, try Swinging Virgins, or if you want to start with just some soft Swinging try Soft Swing USA.

1. What or Who are swingers?

Swingers include people who;

enjoy having sex with other people as well as, and along with, their regular partner
enjoy watching their partner have sex with someone else
enjoy having sex with lots of people (greedy girls)
enjoy going to swingers parties

The main criteria for being a swinger is that you are open and honest with yourself, your regular partner and the people you meet.

2. New Couples

Many couples enjoy fantasizing about having sex with other people, more and more of these people are deciding to make these fantasies become a reality, which is great news for the people already in the scene, as we always enjoy having new people come and join us. There are of course pitfalls and there are several things you should consider before you come and join in the fun.

Don't push or pull your partner into the scene.

Talk about your fantasies in the cold light of day, if you both want to make them become a reality, then start making contact with people. If either one of you is not ready, STOP.
Dragging a reluctant partner to meet another couple, or taking them to a party is not going to make them change their minds. There is a very high risk that it will lead to the end of your relationship with each other.

Decide what your boundaries are.

Don't go along to your first meeting or party without making sure you have agreed on what you are happy doing, what you are happy for your partner to do, and what area's are no go zones.
For example, maybe you agree that on your first meeting you will be happy for both of you to get involved in everything except full intercourse, as long as you both know what the boundaries are, and you have told the people you are meeting what they are you will have no problems as long as you stick to them.
When you get home that night, talk about the experience, be it good or bad, make sure you were both OK with it, and that you both want to move forward, or you want to stop.
If you are happy and want to move forward, decide what changes, if any, you want to make to the rules under which you both play. Never step outside your boundaries without agreement, don't try to modify the boundaries on the evening, always start the evening knowing exactly what is and is not allowed.
I have seen people get divorced because they did not keep to their agreements.

Never fall in love!

Swinging is about having fun with other people. Most of these people are in happy relationships and are looking for sex, not love. Declaring your love for someone is going to complicate the issues, and put strains on everyone's relationships, you could even destroy the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love check one of the many lonely hearts sites.

First steps

Decide on which fantasy you want to fulfill first - meet a couple, meet a single guy, meet a single girl or go to a party.
Each of the above has a different degree of difficulty, I will now list them in ease of arranging

Meeting a single guy.

This is by far the easiest meeting for a couple to arrange. There are a huge number of single guys who are happy to be in a three some situation. There are several ways to meet a single guy, the most reliable are to browse the men seeking couples ads, or to place your own ad. If you place an ad make sure you explain the type of person you are looking for, your boundaries, where you are, where you can travel, if you want to meet at their location, your location or a neutral place.
Couples placing an ad to meet a single guy on this site can expect up to 400 responses a day! of course most of these will be people who do not meet what you are looking for. You will need to put aside time to respond to the emails, even if just to say sorry, no thanks.

Going to a party

There are many parties held every weekend in most of the large cities in the UK.
Before you go read all the information you can about the parties to ensure that they cater for new comers, or for your tastes. Some venues have different kinds of parties on different nights, so make sure you are aware of the type of party you will be going to.
Couples only - pretty self explanatory, there will only be other couples at the party.
Couples and singles - usually a few couples and many single guys, occasionally a few single girls.
Greedy girls - up to about 6 girls and as many as 75 men.
Spa's - much like greedy girls parties, though most have a couples only area where you can get some respite.
Party etiquette is that if you say No to someone they must leave you alone. If they do not, complain to the management.

Meeting a couple.

This option is almost as easy, but you now have 4 people, all of whom will have to be happy with the other pair, be patient and look for people you are both happy with. Expect some knock backs, just because you fancy a couple, and each other, it does not follow that the couple will fancy both of you!
After you have made contact via email, and it looks as though the four of you may have enough in common to meet. Arrange to talk on the phone. This is an important step, as you will need to weed out single guys pretending to be couples and husbands (and occasionally wives) who are trying to pull their partner along by making arrangements. When you make the arrangement use a mobile number, or you could end up with unwanted calls to your home number. You must make sure that all 4 of you talk, do not accept excuses that the partner is late home from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the England football team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably do not exist, or are not aware of the situation.

Meeting a single girl

By far the most difficult to achieve. There are relatively few single girls in the scene, those that are tend to be in friendships with couples. I have known couples search for 2 years without finding a single girl to join them.

Whoever you are going to meet remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as you. Don't get drunk or drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.

3. New single Ladies

Welcome, you are the most sought after category in the scene!

Many of the couples and almost all the single guys who advertise on this site, would like to meet you. You can afford to be choosy, and pick the person or people you want to play with.

If you advertise you will be hit with over 400 emails a day, so be prepared to do a lot of reading. When you place your ad explain exactly what you are looking for, even eye/hair colour, some of the guys do read the ads before responding, but many just send a standard response to every girl and couple who advertise in the hope that someone somewhere will want them. If you are happy to respond to all the emails say so in the ad, if you will not be responding to some people - those with no photo, those who have brown eyes when you asked for blue etc. - say so in the ad.

Be honest, and keep to your word. Describe yourself accurately. If you are a size 14, say so, don't pretend that you are a size 8-10. Guys are not quite so stupid that on meeting you they will not realize. You will also find that there is a big demand for larger girls.

If you say in your ad that all emails will be answered, answer them, even if just a "no thanks, not this time".

If you do find someone you want to meet make sure you do so in a safe environment, not at that persons house. Meet in a pub or hotel lounge, make sure you are happy with them in a social setting before making arrangements to meet them in private. If they say they are a couple talk to both people on their telephone, make a note of their number - you must make sure that you talk to both of them, do not accept excuses that the partner is late home from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the England football team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably do not exist, or are not aware of the situation.

When you leave home make sure someone knows where you are going, leave a sealed envelope to be opened if you do not ring in by a certain time, in it put the email addresses, telephone number and location of the meeting, its better to be safe and embarrassed than dead.

4. New single guys

Guys you have the hardest struggle of all. There are thousands of us all wanting to get involved in the swinging scene, most it must be said simply because its the easiest way to get sex without getting a mortgage, kids and an overdraft!, many due to broken marriages or relationships, but sadly there also many miss-fits; like the guys who have no social graces and are therefore unable to make friends through work or social gatherings, those who see themselves as gods gift to women, and as a result no woman wants to know them, and sadly the ones who have odour problems.

You will have to make a lot of effort to be picked by a couple or a lady.

Things that may help you.

Honesty - don't exaggerate your looks, ability, wealth etc. If you are 30 say 30, if 50 say 50. Ladies are more interested in the real you than an age, but if they catch you lying about one thing, they will not trust you on anything else! If you are a married male or a "significant other" playing away from home, say so, pretending to be single but sneaking off to make phone calls, or having to rush off to beat a curfew is not going to fool anyone for very long.
Relevancy - If you respond to an ad, make sure you are what the advertiser is looking for. Don't respond to an ad asking for a 20 something green eyed, blonde male if you are 45, gray hair and brown eyes - you will just frustrate the advertiser by clogging up their mail box.
Concise - Make your email response concise, but not a one line "I want to shag you" Make sure that you fit the description of the person the advertiser is looking for, and reiterate the points where you fit the description. Don't send them a 2000 word essay outlining your every fantasy and experience to date, you can go into these details later. Remember first impressions count, be polite, open, and to the point without being blunt.
Grooming - If you get lucky and are invited to meet socially turn up smart. An unshaven, guy in crumpled clothes and smelling of sweat will not get you into their bedroom - unless the girl has specified that she is looking for a bit of rough. On the other hand, don't wear a bottle of aftershave!. Dress appropriately for the venue, smart casual - clean pressed clothes- will see you through in most venues. Remember to shower, clean your teeth and brush your hair.
Pictures - If you are sending a picture, or putting a picture on your ad follow a few simple rules.

Unless requested send a face & body shot, don't use cock shots, girls look at eyes, hands, bums, legs and hair before they look at cocks. It may be your pride and joy, but it is more likely to lose you responses than gain them for you. If they do want to see your 9" monster they will ask.
Use a recent picture, you can fool someone until you meet them. Just because you get them to meet you does not mean you will get any further if the picture was of someone else, or you 10 years ago.
Put your email address across the centre of the picture, this is to stop photo collectors, and to enable people to remember which photo goes with which email.
Make the picture about 600 X 600 pixels, no more than 96dpi and a .jpg this will send through the emails quickly, and not take up all the persons hard disk space. I know 3 couples who delete any email where the picture is more than 250k.

Couples - as a single male you are more likely to get action with a couple, than you are with a single girl. Don't worry, you will find that most of the guys in couples are straight, but they love to watch their wife with another guy/guys. You just clarify before the meet that a) there is a couple by talking on the telephone and b) asking outright if the guy is straight.
Parties - There are parties running every weekend. Most are for couples only, some are for couples and guys or greedy girls and guys. It is a sad fact of life that 90% of the time you will be charged more as a single guy than the couples or girls will pay, this is down to supply and demand. Do not go to these parties looking for a one on one session with a girl, it is just not going to happen. If however you follow the rules of etiquette, you are almost guaranteed sex, as the girls who attend these parties like to have lots of men. You will find that most often it is the clubs that cater for single men rather than parties held by swingers in their homes. Before you go to a party make sure you read the etiquette section on this site.
Single girls - If you see an ad from a single girl, read it carefully. If it looks to good to be true, it probably is. Lots of girls are actually guys advertising trying to collect your pictures. There are however many girls who are proven genuine swingers - look for the words genuine at the top right of their profile.
Sobriety - Don't get drunk, or try kissing the girl if you are stinking of beer. Take some breath fresh mints with you. Remember, although the girl is looking for some fun in the sack, she has many other guys to choose from. Whoever you are going to meet remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as you. Don't get drugged up either. No once fancies people who are not in control of their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
Grace - If you respond to an ad and you get a turn down, don't harass the advertiser. Be graceful and accept that you may not fit the persons requirements. Sending dozens of mails asking for reasons or being abusive will not get you anywhere, and in many cases will mean that a warning goes around the community to avoid you.
Love - Never fall in love with a swinger. Swinging is about having fun with other people. Most of these people are in happy relationships and are looking for sex, not love. Declaring your love for someone is going to complicate the issues, and put strains on everyone's relationships, you could even destroy the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love check one of the many lonely hearts sites.
First Date - Turn Up, On time, remember - You only have one chance to make a first impression - screw up the first meeting and you are history. You will be seen a as timewaster, and couples talk. If you make a good impression they will probably meet you again, they may share you with their friends, and take you to parties. Make a bad impression and the word will go around that you are no good, your chances of swinging will drop to zero. The swinging scene does not work on the adage "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".